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ohpierre:

flaminganakin:

pettyrevenge:

Old People Restaurant Scam. You know the scam. Whine about perfectly good food to get some sort of comp.

In their old age, my parents befriended another older couple who would pull this stunt everywhere they went. After my mother told me a few stories about how their new friends had shown them how to get discounted or free meals, I felt like I was suddenly the responsible adult, concerned about the bad influence these people were on my parents.

While visiting my parents with my girlfriend, this other couple attended dinner with us. As I expected, the food was brought to the table and they immediately began dramatically complaining to one another about the quality/taste/temperature/etc. They were making a scene in order to attract the attention of the waitress. When our waitress returned to ask how we were doing, the miserable old bastard who played the lead role in their act took a deep breathe, struck a dramatic pose (with his hand raised to begin gesticulating for emphasis) and bega–I leaned forward and cut him off before he could finish the first word: “Everything is absolutely fantastic. It’s all great! Thank you very much!” She smiled, and began her obligatory “Great, well if you need any–” when he made a second attempt. “We come here all the time an–”. I didn’t acknowledge that he was speaking at all, repeated that all was just as we ordered and thank her again.

He was stunned and thrown off from his routine by my interruption. During this pause the waitress walked away (It seemed clear that she knew what they were trying to accomplish). He turned bright red. I turned to my girlfriend and, smiling and without lowering my voice, stated how pitiful it is that some people could be dishonest, deceitful and put at risk the livelihood of a cook, server or hostess for a pathetic discount or a free early-bird special. My passive-aggressive reverse-parenting broke my parents of the habit in short time.

And baby boomers talk shit about Millennials being entitled

As a Jimmy Johns employee for three years, the largest demographic that scams us for sandwiches are older than 40.

January 12 141,454 notesoriginal (via)

comdon:

The sky when it snows is absolutely perfect. It can be 1 o’clock in the morning and bright outside. The silence of everything when it snows is beautiful. You can barely hear a sound when the snow covers everything. Just watching the snow fall and stick to the ground is beautiful. Yeah I guess it sucks that it’s cold and you have to shovel it out, but coming in from the cold and putting on warm clothes, sitting in the heat, and drinking hot chocolate is so relaxing. I miss the snow so much.

January 12 688,582 notesoriginal (via)
January 12 371,331 notesoriginal (via)

42ismynumber:

magpieanabelle:

virginieawoolf:

gotlostintheuniverse:

coffeebuddha:

wreathedinscales:

celean0:

cheekless0nion:

cocksmasher69:

spearmint-milkshake:

i just saw a fb post where a man was arguing with a woman about the best way to make macarons and he kept insisting that she was wrong, and then eventually he was like “I’ve never personally made macarons, but if you think about it what I’m saying makes sense, i’m simply stating the obvious. i’m sure there are plenty of youtube tutorials that would show you the same thing.” and the woman replied by linking him to her instagram business page and she makes fuckin macaron towers for parties for a living and i’ve been laughing about it for a solid 5 minutes.

Men automatically assume they’re more of an expert on something than any woman on account of their dicks. I’ve never met such an ignorant and narcissistic creature as a male

I’ll never forget a time when a fb friend of mine posted that she’s on her way to hospital to give birth. Women commented with “good luck” and other encouraging messages. A man’s comment was advice on how to give birth. 

You have got to be kidding me

So I was talking about Jekyll & Hyde (the book) at a writer’s museum while we were looking at an Robert Louis Stevenson exhibit. I was giving my take on Jekyll, and my brother tried to counter it. I countered back easily, and then he said “well I’ve never read the book”

My dude………..stop

my ex, whose baking experience was pretty much limited to frying premade biscuit dough in boy scouts to make ‘donuts’, would constantly try to correct me or give me advice on baking

i’m a fucking pastry chef

met a dude at a party who was talking about physics and asked if i’d ever listened to any online physics lectures bc he listened to all of this one series and they were so helpful and maybe i could learn some physics too

i have a degree in physics

and am a published coauthor in astrophysics

the best part is that the woman who invented the term ‘mansplaining’ (her name is Rebecca Solnit and i highly recommend her collection of essays) came up with it when she was at a party one night and a man tried to explain a book to her, and wouldn’t let her speak long enough for her to tell him that

she wrote the bloody book he was mansplaining to her

You know I have plenty examples of this but that last one takes the cake so imma just let it be.

One time, my boss was describing a part of our project to me, which would be fine if I hadn’t been the one who, you know, made it

January 12 167,521 notesoriginal (via)

rarestandfairest:

I remember when I found out other people chop off the tops of strawberries. I was getting stoned with a bunch of older kids and popped a whole strawberry, top and all, in my mouth. And everyone started laughing and ragging on me for being so high i ate the whole strawberry and I just had to go with it and pretend like I hadn’t eaten every single strawberry of my life like that

January 12 160,948 notes(via)

pure-leafs:

theshitneyspears:

2019 isnt going to be any different unless you actually put effort in to change it

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January 12 39,698 notesoriginal (via)

amysantiagoals:

The glow up of the century ✨

January 12 16,225 notesoriginal (via)

unpill:

the year is 9 AJB (after jennifer’s body)

January 12 19,520 notesoriginal (via)

toboldlylesbian:

toboldlylesbian:

i have officially piqued, i’ll never be funnier than this moment in time

i was walking through the grocery store ignoring everyone and i walked around the corner and ran right into this old mans cart and i was like “oh god, my bad, i didn’t see you there” and when i looked up, he was wearing all camo. down to his hat. his wife lost it laughing. i’ll never be funny again

January 11 63,653 notesoriginal (via)

wlwriot:

wlwriot:

wlwriot:

Today I called a girl homophobic as a joke and she almost started crying

She said “my neighbors are a lesbian couple! I’m the least homophobic person you’ll ever meet”

I said “Kelsea I’m really sorry I hurt your feelings but I need you to know that homophobic people can have lesbian neighbors” and she just got even more distraught and said “I’ve been inside their house and I wasn’t even afraid or anything”


AFRAID OF WHAT??

January 11 41,189 notesoriginal (via)

counter-target-spell:

darthvcder:

“kids these days are so cringey w their fortnite dances-” are none of yall going to acknowledge the shit we did. are we not going to acknowledge gangnam style. what does the fox say. if we go older hamster dance. crazy frog. the fucking duck song. the llama song. charlie the unicorn.

let he who is without sin throw the first stone

Dont act like we didnt do a carameldansen or hare hare yukai

January 11 163,210 notesoriginal (via)

dragon-in-a-fez:

gracklesong:

Idg why people are against busty women in turtlenecks, literally who cares if you have “uniboob”? To whom do you owe separate and defined titties? Only cowards and fools fear the breast monolith

do you ever just suddenly learn there’s apparently a whole Discourse you’ve never heard of before

January 11 151,427 notesoriginal (via)

yip-yip:

flower-lesbienne:

gunsandfireandshit:

casbean:

harryngtonewithyourshit:

beardedchrisevans:

image

Is Chris Evans Steve Rogers or is Steve Rogers Chris Evans?

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good

“Fellas, is it gay to be a good father?”

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Shout out to Harry Hill

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January 11 145,243 notesoriginal (via)